It's been 6 days since I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in Theology. I've spent them packing, moving, un-packing (kind of), spending entirely too much time in front of a computer screen, and...job-hunting. Because I didn't do enough of that during my last semester of college.
Unlimited internet access is a bad thing for Hurt-ey. Because when I'm that desperately bored, I get sucked in by the availability of computer games (the person who doesn't have a driver's license likes to race cars online...ironic, huh?), sappy fanfiction based off of "Little Women" or other random books/movies, other random weird things that I'm interested in, and too much time on Facebook.
That last is when I realize how futile Facebook is at its self-proclaimed mission of getting people "connected." Because, for heaven's sake, you're not connected! I've emailed people, sent FB messages, and had several FB chats with them over the past 5 days, but that is NOT communication! I have not physically seen or spoken to another human being since Monday evening. And that is not good. As much as I used to joke about "being a hermit" after graduation, now that that has actually happened, and I am cut off from people, it is not a good thing!
Then there's job-hunting. It seems weird to be looking around on the Internet for jobs, realizing I really don't know what I'm interested in. Customer service? Maybe. But does 4 years in a library count as "customer service"? I was "serving" people's book-related needs, I know how to operate a cash register. Administrative positions, finance, sales, marketing...all those lovely "job functions" listed on LinkedIn sound so boring.
My job at Christendom College's St. John the Evangelist Library was fun. My employers were easy to get along with, easy to talk to if I had a question or concern. My fellow-employees were friendly, even the ones that I only spoke to when we switched off after our 3-hour desk shifts ended. I could go on about them, but there's so much to say I'm not sure where to begin.
And I know that is not what the job market out in the world is going to be like. I was lucky, I had a job at one of the most-coveted work-study positions on campus. And now...I'm not going to be in that Catholic environment.
I need that Catholic environment just as much as I need human communication. Those are the two things that kept me going during my years at Christendom: the availability of daily Mass, the availability of frequent confession, having Mass right on campus and not having to depend on other people for rides (more later on why I hate having to depend on other people to get to Mass), the modesty dress code; and, the friendships formed late at night, in professors' office hours, quizzing each other before tests.
I don't know. I don't feel ready for Life After Christendom. Sure, it's going to be an adventure... I. Hate. Adventures. They scare me, they turn me into a puddle of doubts and questions and "what-if's", they make me realize just how shaky my spiritual life is, even after four years "Breathing Catholic Air," they make me realize just how little I know about job interviews and working out in the "real world"...they make me want to crawl back to that "bubble" in which I've spent the past four years and never leave.