My thoughts and reflections on my Catholic Faith, Fulton Sheen, the problem of suffering, and books

Thursday, October 29, 2015

Days 20-22: Panic

Tuesday and Wednesday (days 20 and 21):

The job-hunt is not going well.

Some days I can coast along, hoping that somehow eventually I'll find a job.

Other days, I realize that it's been 4 weeks since I quit my job, I've had exactly one interview, the bank account is going in the wrong direction, and I panic. Along the lines of: I don't know what I"m good at and I need a job and I'm never going to find one and I'm going to die! (Because, yes, not having a job = death. At least in Em's corner of the universe.)

Sometimes that leads me to email a friend: "need prayers now!" and that friend writes back: "Sure thing. Hang in there!" and that settles the panic for a little while.

Until it surges again and I have to stop and say: "Em, breathe. Breathing is good. Your friend is praying for you. Your friend isn't mad that you asked for prayers. It's going to be ok. Just breathe."

Generally that works; if it doesn't, I distract myself (music, a book, stretching...although, I need to remember to breathe when I stretch...sometimes I forget).

Thursday (day 22), today:

Today started off well. I woke up earlier than I had been, got ready to go to Mass...

And half-way to church, I rear-ended a car. (Mass is very hard to sit through when you're shaking and freaking out.) Long story short, my roommate's car needs what might be a minor repair. I spent a great majority of the day (because it was like 4 hours before I could tell her what had happened) panicking...complete, total panic. I'm good at that. It's a hidden talent of mine, completely freaking out. And being afraid people are angry. Also very good at that.

So today was not a good day. But I am going to go to bed and hope that tomorrow's better.

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