My thoughts and reflections on my Catholic Faith, Fulton Sheen, the problem of suffering, and books

Saturday, April 30, 2016

FEAR is a 4-Letter Word

(That title got your attention, didn't it? The theological librarian is cursing?!):

Fear.

It's something we all struggle with, something we try to hide deep down, hoping no one will see it, hoping no one will recognize how drattedly insecure we are. We slap on a smile and say "I'm fine," but are secretly quaking inside.

I thought I had nerved myself to go to a job fair tonight. But confidence started ebbing away the minute the first STRANGER made eye contact.

Then STRANGER #2 violated my "Personal Space Bubble" in his quest to convince me that he can offer me very cheap health insurance. (Wait a minute, I thought this was a job fair?! Shouldn't you be offering me information about your company, not trying to sell me some scam-sounding "$30/month for a plan that would otherwise be $350/month" insurance plan?)

Then I made eye contact with STRANGER #3, who smoothly talked me into setting up an interview for next week. (No, Wal-Mart, I don't want to work for you!!!)

I handed out two more resumes, tried to collect myself, wondered why these companies didn't have more information about themselves (yes, I didn't do enough research beforehand).

Then I BOLTED.

I drove home, heart pounding, trying not to cry, feeling like a failure.


When I discussed shyness with someone a couple of years ago, he told me shyness was a form of pride. I can kind of see how that's the case, but...is being shy a sin? Is being scared to make follow-up phone calls on job applications a sin? I sure as heck hope it isn't.

Thoughts? Feedback? Platitudes? (Actually, I hate platitudes...forget those.)

1 comment:

  1. Hi Emily! This is your old friend Mary from Christendom. I go by "Anne" on account of my red hair. Lol. I stumbled across your blog today and read this post. I just wanted to clear up as fast as possible to you that being shy is definitely NOT a sin. :-) I am surely shy at times, especially when I am in a new busy environment and so much is going on that I am having a hard time processing it all. I could surely see myself leaving a job fair because it was overwhelming. As far as the phone goes, I definitely get scared to make phone calls in general if it is not a friend.

    I would also say that shyness is not a form of pride. Shyness is totally different from being stuck up, which is the pride part. Shyness is just part of the introvert temperament. And I'm an introvert, so I should know. Lol.

    Fear is definitely part of my every day life, but I am working on it. Slowly and surely with God's grace. Every step toward TRUST in Him is one more step away from fear.

    I will be praying for you Emily! Don't be hard on yourself. Jesus is so gentle with us!

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