My thoughts and reflections on my Catholic Faith, Fulton Sheen, the problem of suffering, and books

Saturday, April 30, 2016

FEAR is a 4-Letter Word

(That title got your attention, didn't it? The theological librarian is cursing?!):

Fear.

It's something we all struggle with, something we try to hide deep down, hoping no one will see it, hoping no one will recognize how drattedly insecure we are. We slap on a smile and say "I'm fine," but are secretly quaking inside.

I thought I had nerved myself to go to a job fair tonight. But confidence started ebbing away the minute the first STRANGER made eye contact.

Then STRANGER #2 violated my "Personal Space Bubble" in his quest to convince me that he can offer me very cheap health insurance. (Wait a minute, I thought this was a job fair?! Shouldn't you be offering me information about your company, not trying to sell me some scam-sounding "$30/month for a plan that would otherwise be $350/month" insurance plan?)

Then I made eye contact with STRANGER #3, who smoothly talked me into setting up an interview for next week. (No, Wal-Mart, I don't want to work for you!!!)

I handed out two more resumes, tried to collect myself, wondered why these companies didn't have more information about themselves (yes, I didn't do enough research beforehand).

Then I BOLTED.

I drove home, heart pounding, trying not to cry, feeling like a failure.


When I discussed shyness with someone a couple of years ago, he told me shyness was a form of pride. I can kind of see how that's the case, but...is being shy a sin? Is being scared to make follow-up phone calls on job applications a sin? I sure as heck hope it isn't.

Thoughts? Feedback? Platitudes? (Actually, I hate platitudes...forget those.)